The first few months with our sweet girl: the fourth trimester

Most people tell you “you won’t sleep”, “your baby will cry for no reason” – all these exciting things to look forward to once you have a newborn.

If people are going to warn you about recovery from pregnancy and birth they should tell you what it is like as a new mother to heal your body, the process and bodily changes, not in regards to having a new human to care and nurture for but the raw truth behind recovering from a major body trauma.

I hope I can share some insights from my first few months as a new mother.

Stuff people don’t talk about when they give you “parenting advice”.

The birth of Alice was not traumatic for me. It was as great and magical as I had hoped for.

My recovery was relatively quick and I healed well – both physically and emotionally but a lot of it was new, exhausting and sometimes overwhelmingly hard.

Upon giving birth you have hormones and endorphins running through your body.

From the minute she entered the outside world, Alice was regulating her temperature against my skin. She wasn’t crying much. She suckled for a little to get some colostrum but slept a lot once she felt comfortable.

Those first few hours, as they call the Golden Hours felt exactly as they should for me. Time with my baby girl and Alex, uninterrupted by the medical staff in the hospital.
Coming in and out of the room I hardly noticed them for the next three hours.

The nurses and hospital staff left us alone for those three hours before they did any tests on Alice.

She had to get her glucose levels checked because with type 1 diabetes she has a greater chance of having low blood glucose levels.

When I got up from the bed to use the bathroom for the very first time I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I felt so out of breath, struggling to take the 10 or so steps to the toilet. I asked the nurse to help me.

My body had gone through an epic endurance event. One longer and harder than any ultramarathon I had run.

And my body felt it. It hurt, I had to hunch over to feel most comfortable as my stomach was so sore and I did not have any core support.

My pelvis and uterus hurt as I put on a brave smile and lifted my plate of food I very much needed after no food for the past 72 hours – it was too heavy for me to lift on my own.

We got some sleep that evening in the maternity ward. A few hours felt like forever. I had renewed energy in the morning.

I was basically walking around with a puppy pad between my legs for the next couple of weeks as I would continue to heavily bleed while my uterus shed its lining after birth.

Something else most mothers forget to mention to other pregnant women.

The only place I had heard about this was in my Bradley birthing class.

No one talks about this but you bleed, a lot and for a long time.

Blood clots that seem huge appear but the doctors and nurses tell you are normal.

The pain from where they put stitches, I had an episiotomy. I didn’t want ibuprofen but felt I needed it so I took half the dose which was just enough to take the edge off the pain the first few days.

I had my first shower in 72 hours the day after Alice was born. It felt amazing. I had to sit on the chair in the hospital shower as standing for 10 mins was too long. My body was weak and tired.

We wanted to leave the hospital within 24 hours after Alice’s birth so we could be in the comfort of our home.

Alex went home in the morning to feed our dog Yuki and to take a shower and bring me a homemade smoothie.

I stayed in the room with Alice as people came and went to check on us, do newborn tests on Alice and give some advice.
The lactation consultant came in, the kindest person we had encountered in the maternity ward.

I had Alice sleeping on my chest and we she told me she had 7 children.

She gave me some advice about breastfeeding and co-sleeping - something she said she couldn’t officially mention as it was against UCLA protocol.
She knew my energy and how I wanted to raise Alice.

We got out of hospital 26 hours after Alice was born. This was great. I was exhausted by the time we left, early evening but again put on a brave smile as I wanted to get home.

We got some Veggie Grill on the way home and started our journey as a family under our own roof.

*Snuggles with Dad in the first few days.*

It was just going to be us at home.

The current COVID pandemic gave me (and still does), a lot of anxiety. I could not afford to get sick and I could not bear the guilt if Alice got sick.

Alex had six weeks off work which was more help than I could have expected. Without this the first few weeks would have been a lot tougher.

We didn’t have our first visitor for over 2 weeks and took as many precautions as we could to keep our new family safe.

This time alone in the first couple of weeks was so special to me. No stress or exhaustion with visitors, just time to bond as a family.

I’d do it again even with no pandemic.

Breastfeeding wasn’t easy to begin with. We had our first pediatrician appointment the next day out of hospital and everything was looking good. She had lost 7% of her body weight – within normal range.

The next couple of days I was still only producing colostrum. Alice was crying. She was hungry.

I spoke to at least 3 lactation consultants over the next day or two. They helped with giving me tips on latching, pumping and trying things to get my milk to come in.

We ended up syringe feeding a tiny bit of soy-based formula to Alice for one day not knowing my milk would come in at midnight and being concerned about her being hungry and potentially losing more weight.

If I was in the same situation again I would use donor breast milk instead of formula. The first ingredient on the formula was corn syrup – a horrifying discovery I made after I gave her the formula.

Consequently, the formula went straight into the trash.

The pressure from pediatricians and others in those first couple of weeks is immense. Making you feel like you need to do everything in your power to ensure your new arrival reaches back to their birth weight as soon as possible.
We even bought a scale at home to weigh Alice.

Thankfully we resolved this concern pretty quickly.

Once my milk came in, the stress of a hungry newborn went away and the initial stress of having sore and swollen breasts arrived.

Thankfully friends and Facebook groups helped me to relieve the pain with warm showers and pumping, knowing that my milk supply would regulate once Alice got into a pattern of feeding.

This was another stress I wasn’t too aware of. I had heard stories of my own mother having mastitis and putting cold cabbage patches on her breasts to soothe them. But no one really tells or the pain of those first few days when your milk comes in and your breasts feeling like they are going to explode.

Breastfeeding became easier and we got into our groove. The joy of feeding my baby was something that is hard to explain. She needed me and I needed her.

I would and still put her to my boobs anytime she needs it – whether it be for food, comfort or something to suck on.

I truly believe this has helped my milk supply remain abundant.

We don’t follow a feeding schedule and having her on the breast so often helps.

Prior to Alice’s birth I read many, many articles on parenting knowing in my mind the style of parenting I wanted to hopefully follow and I found that attachment parenting matched my beliefs the most.

Again, our Bradley birthing classes gave me insight into this and I researched more.

Keep your newborn/infant/toddler as close to you as possible to form bonds that will allow them to grow to be an independent young child.

They don’t have the fear of abandonment, are not left to cry and mostly sleep on mum – which I love.

From the beginning Alice has her naps on me. At first in my arms and now as she is a bit older in the baby carrier.

We also decided to co-sleep. A controversial topic, not favored by most pediatricians or families. Mostly driven by fear of squashing your baby.

We have friends and our birthing teacher who co-slept with their children and we did our research. This was aligned with attachment parenting so we gave it a go and we love it. We follow the co-sleeping rules.

Alice loves it. She sleeps well and we sleep well.

There have been a few nights of little sleep but Alice is a good sleeper. I wake up before she is crying and know her hunger cues while she is still sleepy and can feed her while lying on my side so both baby and mama get maximum rest and sleep.

At the beginning I would get up and change Alice during the night. I didn’t want her little bottom in a wet diaper, but it disturbed both our sleeps. We prefer the continued sleep vs a dry diaper.

I believe society pressures new moms to follow schedules, to get their baby on a schedule that suits the parents or caregivers, to get a baby to sleep through the night without awakening, to get them into their own room as soon as possible. Focusing on all of this we forget that our baby is a few weeks or a few months old and we have such great expectations of them already.

I remind myself often when she is sad or upset or tired or crying – she is just a baby.

This really grounds me.

I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night and didn’t awake because I was thirsty or needed to use the bathroom. Babies wake because they need something. Most of the time its love.

I decided to take cues from Alice and try things to see if they work and change them if they didn’t.

At first we would go to bed with Alice around 8-9pm and that worked for us. As she approached the 3-month mark I tried putting her in our bed at 7pm and feeding her to sleep (another unpopular way to put your baby down) and coming back out of the room to spend some quiet time with Alex or getting some things done without a little one attached to my hip.

And this has been working for all of us.

Keeping an open mind about change, directed by Alice has really helped us feel comfortable and stress free during her first few months of life.

I have heard of other women experiencing emotional challenges, ups and downs and hormonal changes that may make them feel sad, overwhelmed among other emotions. I didn’t experience this and am so grateful for all the positive emotions I felt these first three months.

Some times were challenging, I was so tired also but always knew things would get better and they do. Sometimes within hours other times the next day.

In the past 3 months Alice has grown so much. From a newborn who slept ate and smiled to a little girl curious about the world exploring everything with her eyes, ears, nose and hands.

Some upcoming blogs:

Getting back into running 8 weeks postpartum

Managing my diabetes with a newborn

Having a baby during a pandemic